It gets hard to be around kids Zoe-Mai's age and younger that are normal and functioning. I've moved on past the point where I want to pull my hair out and scream every time I see a 2 and 3 year old speaking sentences or doing simple things for themselves like point and ask for what they want or play games. It is still such torture though and I haven't moved past wanting to cry.
It is so hard to be around our youngest niece, Zoe-Mai's youngest cousin. She is 2 years old and extremely smart. She smiles and gives hugs. She talks in full sentences and plays normally with toys. She has no problems interacting with other kids and when she looks at you it doesn't feel like she's looking through you. I can't help but think, "That's how MY child should be. She should be able to do all these things."
I have to steal hugs from Zoe-Mai, her affection is usually idle and if given- a rare blessing. I sometimes feel as if she's sitting outside of this world and just looking in. She pays very little attention to children her age and her stimming often gets odd and puzzling looks. Her screaming and tantrums replace the words she could use to tell me what she wants.
It's hard to think about the future and wonder what Zoe-Mai's will hold. It is difficult enough thinking about tomorrow and wondering if she's going to have a good day, wonder if she'll eat better or cry all the way through brushing her hair. Wonder if she'll play okay or be more aggressive? It is a constant battle inside myself thinking about school and if she should go to Pre-K next year- is she ready? Am I ready? Will she be okay? Will I be okay? What if no one understands her?
It's easy to love her.
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