Our new home!

I have moved from my old blog site to here now. The old site was just too hard to keep up with and difficult to navigate. I will try to figure a way to move the posts from there to here.


To fill everyone in on what the last month has been like I guess I should start with how much Samuel has grown. He smiles and coo's. I know it's not gas, he's actually smiling at me. He's so happy and loves being held. He is so very smart and strong. I've yet to see just what color his eyes will be. I suspect brown, but at this age you can never be sure.

I worry. I worry that his smiles will be gone in a matter of months. I fear that I'll wake up in just a few months and he no longer smiles at me, no longer babbles, and avoids me. It's irrational, I know, but with one kid being classic there is a higher chance that Samuel could fall on the spectrum.

Mackenzie has been doing better in school. Being put in a new classroom really worked wonders for her. We love her teacher who is patient, kind, and willing to give her a chance to grow. She is extremely smart, and although hates group activities and doesn't play too well with other children, she is smart as a whip. I love listening to her recite her school work. Her bring home work is just beautiful. I haven't seen a kid with her artistic ability since my own brother who was just like her- careful, precise, always in the lines. She has a gift.


And Zoe-Mai, oh, Zoe-Mai. These past couple of months have been hard. I can't dwell on it too much or I start to cry. Her screaming and tantrums have gotten worse. She's becoming more violent and disconnected. I can feel her pulling away from me and It's getting harder and harder to comfort her. She is becoming more aggressive towards Kenzie and I feel horrible for the both of them. Zoe-Mai is slapping, shoving, and pulling hair. Jeremy and I tell her to stop... most of the time she just gives us this mechanical laugh and goes right back to doing it. The word "no" really holds no meaning to her.
We usually swat her behind when she starts throwing a fit or being aggressive, it will get her attention for a second, but it doesn't quiet the behavior. After a few weeks of just watching her I've realized we have to stop spanking her. It hasn't been working with her and she's associating her behavior and then punishment(spanking) to Samuel. Over the past week I've noticed that if she is in the room and he starts crying, she'll raise her hand to swat him. The first time I didn't catch her in enough time but thankfully she didn't spank him hard. Now when I catch her I tell her, "No, don't be mean to baby." This usually means that she begins her typical screaming that she does every time she hears a baby/toddler cry.
She still has a difficult time allowing me to walk away. Zoe-Mai won't walk out the door with Jeremy unless I'm following close behind. She is also having issues with leaving Jeremy behind if we drop him off somewhere away from the house. Last week we drove Jeremy out to his friends house to drive his truck home. I listened to her scream and cry for the 45 minute journey home.

She has her good days. They are few and far between, but when they're good...they're good. I think the most I can wish for is that she continues to grow and develop. We can only look forward to the good days and move on from the bad.